R E S O U R C E S
Martha Beck: Finding Your Own North Star, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, and Steering by Starlight
Byron Katie: Loving What Is
Resmaa Menakem: My Grandmother's Hands
Robin DiAngelo: White Fragility
David Elliott: The Reluctant Healer
Lynne Twist: The Soul of Money
Tosha Silver: It's Not Your Money
CLEAN VS. DIRTY PAIN ASSESSMENT
Pain is an inherent experience in life. Most of us have been injured or heartbroken at least once. So it’s safe to assume you are familiar with both physical and emotional pain. A concept I find that many aren’t as aware of is clean pain versus dirty pain.
Clean pain is physical pain (such as a broken leg) or loss (such as a job or best friend moving to another country). Dirty pain is the story we tell ourselves about that clean pain. It causes deeper and unnecessary suffering. Clean pain is inevitable; dirty pain is a choice.
Are you curious about how much dirty pain you’re holding? Take the below assessment to find out.
When answering the questions below, choose one area of loss to focus on. (Feel free to repeat the quiz for each loss to understand which one may be holding the most dirty pain.)
Answer “True” or “False” to the following:
If I’d made different choices, I wouldn’t have lost (person/place/thing).
I should have been a better (role in that relationship).
If others had taken different actions, I wouldn’t have lost (person/place/thing).
I can’t survive without (lost person/place/thing).
I can’t be happy without (lost person/place/thing).
I shouldn’t be happy without (lost person/place/thing).
I’m a terrible person because I…(insert action or inaction).
If only (different circumstances), I wouldn’t have lost (person/place/thing).
(Person, place, thing) should be here right now and for future milestones.
The more I suffer, the more I prove my love, value, or dedication.
For every question you answered “True” give yourself 8%. Add up your percentages, and the total is the percentage of dirty pain that you carry regarding this loss.
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