Reflecting On My 20 Year Grief Journey

Updated: Oct 20, 2019

There’s something about turning forty that causes reflection. Not only is it a significant life milestone, it also marks a new threshold of spiritual maturity. In December, I will have lived as many years without my mom as I had with her alive. There’s a balance in that, and a peaceful strength.


I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my grief journey.

The first ten years after her death, I spent in a victim-state of self-loathing, shame and guilt. The most recent ten years have been spent finding my way back to myself. I have healed in layers and compassionately addressed the pockets of pain as they bubbled up.


Healing grief doesn’t happen all at once. It’s complicated, messy, and tangled with a whole bunch of other facets of your own history mixed with others. And it’s absolutely beautiful when the light enters and dissolves the pain.


If it weren’t for my grief journey, I wouldn’t have had a need or desire to pursue the various healing modalities that have led to my spiritual insights and growth. I’m completely fascinated with learning about our mental, physical and spiritual interconnections. Each time I’m exposed to a new piece of information or tool, I’m enthralled.


I love sharing them with others, too. Coaching my clients brings me so much joy. Witnessing their breakthroughs and dissolving of long-held pain fills me with immense gratitude and purpose. Plus, I’m elated when I get an opportunity to discuss other people’s journeys and what helped them overcome their challenges because it adds to my knowledge and pursuit of new skills.


I still have so much to learn and knowing that more delicious experiences are coming excites me, as well.

In this way, I’m grateful for those ten years of excruciating pain. Maybe I would have found my way here anyway, and maybe I wouldn’t have. I do know that without the experience of the low, I couldn’t have a benchmark to experience the height of the highs. Nor would I be able to help others through their grief journeys.


This is the impetus for the Bali Healing Retreat I’m cohosting in November. It’s an anniversary to honor my grief journey by shepherding others through theirs. I’m so grateful that my coaching colleagues want to support me, and others on this path, in this way. They’re willingness to bring their special gifts to compliment mine and create a well rounded and wholly healing experience is so beautiful. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better combination to do the deep and beautiful work necessary.


If you are ready to turn your grief into spiritual fuel and unite pieces of your soul, consider joining us. I would be honored to hold that safe and sacred space for you.

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