I believe the biggest hurdle people face when it comes to bringing their desires into fruition is a lack of worthiness. Whether they yearn for more money, a loving partnership, that dream job, or simply more time for themselves it all comes back to their sense of worthiness. I see it frequently with my clients, and I recognize it looking back across my own journey.
I didn’t find a loving partnership until I was ready to fully love and accept myself. Prior to that, I was people-pleasing and contorting myself to what I thought they wanted in the hopes that someday they’d validate me and my worth. I looked outside of myself for confirmation of my value.
When I found enough-ness within myself – so much that I felt my life was full simply having a loving relationship with myself – I was then open to receiving it from others. That’s when it happened.
In working with clients, I see that the worthiness thought patterns play a leading role in why they can’t seem to achieve what they’d like to. It sounds like this:
· “I’d love to be a painter, but I’m not talented enough.”
· “I’d love to take a few weeks off work, but it’s never a good time.”
· “I try so hard to put myself out there, but I always end up with my heart broken.”
· “I work so hard, but I never seem to make enough money to get ahead.”
· “I’d apply for that next level job, but I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
· “I’d like to walk away from this hurtful relationship, but then people would think badly of me.”
When we place value on ourselves as equal-to or better-than that which we want, we feel worthy of it. When we feel worthy, we ask for what we want without constriction. We take actions toward it with ease and comfort. It becomes a natural flow state.
When we find that enough-ness within ourselves, we give ourselves permission to prioritize our needs and wants. We identify, set and maintain boundaries. Those look like this:
· “I deserve to take a few weeks off of work. The company and my colleagues will manage until I get back.”
· “This person does not deserve me in their life. They can say what they want, and other people can think whatever they want, I’m doing right by me.”
· “This is what I want in a partner and relationship. If that’s you, awesome. If it’s not, be well and move on.”
· “I deserve a partner who equally contributes to the relationship and cares about me as much as I care about them.”
· “My experience, talents and skills would be a valuable asset to that role and the company. I’m going to apply and leverage my network to get in front of the hiring manager.”
· “I’m going to tell my boss I’m ready to step into this role and why.”
· “I’m turning down some high-paying client opportunities because the people drain my energy.”
· “I’m spending time and money on self-care because I value my mental and emotional health.”
So how do we make the leap from lacking to worthy? How do we step into enough-ness?
We start with changing our thought patterns that uphold our lack-based beliefs. They’re often a tangled mess of little thoughts that are ready to dissolve one by one. Each thought released gives us more space and builds momentum toward releasing others until one day we’re simply feeling enough. Enough-ness feels open, expansive and free.
When we take action from that feeling state, we attract exactly what resonates with that same worthy vibration. The universe conspires in our favor. I’ve experienced this with relationships, work, and money. And you can, too.
It sounds simple, and it is. Yet we often choose to take the path of least resistance, which is taking the same old unworthy highways in our mind, rather than taking the time to do Thought Work. For those who aren’t diligent with (or have not learned how to do) self-inquiry, hiring a life coach trained in The Work can help. Click here for a free 20-minute introductory session.