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Understanding the "Dark Night of the Soul"

***This message is intended for those who are feeling extremely low right now. Like you can’t see your way out of the darkness low. For those not in that space, skip this blog and keep doing you!***

You may have heard of the term “Dark Night of the Soul.” It’s been a trending topic of discussion in my industry because it appears to be a theme in the general population. It’s when life’s challenges become so overwhelming, one has no strength left to resist or attempt to control their circumstances or other people. It’s a pit of despair and helplessness; of giving up completely.

One of two things happen (after writhing around in misery for however long it takes): We either end our lives prematurely, or we surrender to a higher power.

Think of it like an addict hitting their absolute rock bottom. It’s either death or rebirth.

This experience is intentionally set in motion, a contract our soul signed, so that we (in our human form) can overcome and break free from the disillusionment of our own making, the jail cell we’ve created for ourselves. It’s our portal to awakening and enlightenment.

Brene Brown calls this the “Midlife Unraveling.” In her words, “Midlife is death. Tearing down the walls that we spent our entire life building is death. Like it or not, at some point during midlife, you’re going down, and after that there are only two choices: staying down or enduring rebirth.”

I like to think of this as a more of a Midlife Awakening. After all, that’s the point and purpose. To wake us up from the dream. To connect us to our true nature that is divine and limitless. To bring us back to our hearts, to love, and to the compassionate connection between all of us.

I was on a recent Zoom call with Matt Kahn’s “Angel Academy,” and he took a question with one of the other participants. If you’re not familiar with his work, in general, he’s about exposing the many ways the ego (including spiritual ego) is in a perpetual state of trying to control everything and everyone. How this keeps us distracted from who we are and what’s truly possible. And how we can transmute that pain and heal it.

Anyhow, this caller was having a hard time accepting unfair judgments about them and accepting themselves. Matt’s wisdom and "Repeat After Me" was insightful around this and helped us all flip the script a bit, so I’m also sharing with you:

“If I can acknowledge what has happened, the universe will immediately respond to it. Part of the oversight was that I was trying to be the resolver of it. I’m just the announcer of it.

This is how it is right now. And it’s changing through me, not necessarily being changed by me. I accept exactly where I’m at, and by accepting it, by announcing it, I create a moment of rock bottom. Without needing it to get worse, knowing the best part about hitting rock bottom, you can only go up from there. It cannot get lower than this, so it’s only going to get better...and I’m going to get better so much faster, by doing so much less. And so I’m free.”

Self-acceptance isn’t about wishing or hoping our way out. It’s not about spouting positive affirmations we don’t believe in, in the hopes that we will someday convince ourselves that it’s true. No, acceptance (and self-acceptance) is merely acknowledging the current state, exactly as it is…without trying to change it.

In our allowing it to be, we surrender into it instead of bracing or fighting against it.

And surrendering doesn’t mean taking our life (which, by the way, is another means of control). It means releasing control and flowing with whatever is happening.

It’s in this moment of complete surrender that the light breaks in and lifts us out of the darkness. We are metaphorically reborn into a whole other way of seeing, being, existing and finally LIVING.

My friends who have surrendered into this Dark Night of the Soul / Midlife Awakening (and released all control) have all come out the other side completely transformed. They are some of the most joyful, peaceful, loving, compassionate and kind people in my life.

If you ask them whether they’d still go through the darkness and pain of their experiences, each and every one of them would do it all over again because they recognize it couldn’t have been any other way to get where they are now. It was all absolutely necessary. It all had a purpose. It cracked them wide open so they could receive the many gifts of being put back together in a new and better way.

So, my friends, whatever you’re going through and experiencing that may have you in complete despair. I invite you to stop fighting it, stop resisting it. Surrender it up. Your Divine Presence is waiting for you with open arms and more love and light than your human self can ever imagine.

And if you need support and/or witnessing, I'm here. Book a session.


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